Writing Adventure Group Theme #24 – Unexpected

Writing Adventure Group LogoWith a very busy week behind me, and another right on my heels, I was able to find a short bit of time to sit down and do some writing. When I read the Writing Adventure Group theme for this week, I had a couple of ideas I wanted to explore. Both of which were to be told from the first person perspective (which I like doing for these writing exercises).

When it came down to it, I decieded to explore an idea of a man and his son. The story could use a bit of polish but I am currently in a frenzy to complete the story before this weeks theme closes and a new one is presented. I hope you enjoy the end result of my little exploration.


Writing Adventure Group theme #24

“Unexpected”

Saturday is always a busy day at Cabela’s. The enormous store draws crowds in droves. Weekend travelers spend hours in cars and buses to visit the grand store. I’m not here because I’m a traveler caught up in seeing the sights, I’m here because my little man wanted to come visit the mountain.

The mountain is something special, and not just for the curious four year old. Upon it are stuffed animals of all shapes and sizes. Above the mountain hangs a small prop plane while a man made river surrounds the dozens of full sized animals.

I’ve never hunted and my son shows no interest in the sport. He simply likes to come to the store and wonder about each animals place in the world. After a time, we sated our curiosity of the land animals and made our way to the in-store aquarium. Even after having visited the store dozens of times, he still stares in wide-eyed wonder as the fish flash through the water.

After nearly two hours, we make our way out of the store in search of some ice-cream. It is still early in the day but I decide to spoil my son on his birthday. With little in the way of options, we settle for some grocery store ice-cream cones. Sitting in the warm early afternoon sun, I watch my little man make a mess of himself while he smiles from ear to ear.

Just before we finish our treats, my cell phone rings. Without looking at it, I know who calls and why. Just as expected, it is my wife asking me to bring our son home and that everything is ready. I smile and tell her we will be home shortly.

Securely from his car-seat in the rear, my son tells me, in detail, what he thinks of each animal we saw during our excursion. His imagination runs wild as he talks about the prancing bear. His voice drops low as he explains the dire situation of the cornered dear. I do little more than smile and take in all he has to say.

When we get home, the extra cars surrounding the house go unnoticed. My son pulls me along as he follows the walkway to the house. He intends to share every facet of our trip with his mother, all except the ice-cream of course. When we reach the front door, his little hand works the knob.

In his excitement, he throws open the door and rushes into a crowded room of people as they cry out “surprise”. His hand grips tight on mine as he is seized with fear. His little eyes go wide and I feel him tremble slightly.

When his scanning eyes fall on his smiling mother, the fear subsides and his smiles widens. He releases my hand to covers his face as he crouches down and begins laughing. At his little show, friends and family laugh and smile. He bursts from his crouched position and runs, arms wide, to his mother. They hug as she speaks softly into his ear. His grip tightens before he gives her a big kiss on the cheek and runs off to play with his friends.

Please visit the comment section, located at the head of this post, and leave me some feedback. I would greatly appreciate it!


WAG Topic #24: “Unexpected”. Surprise is the hardest thing to fake (in real life and in fiction), but something essential to a well-written story. So observe (or imagine) someone who is experiencing something they didn’t see coming. It can be something big or small. Sometimes the smallest surprises have the biggest impact! No Rules! Now Write!

8 comments On Writing Adventure Group Theme #24 – Unexpected

  • Your son sounds delightful, Walt, and young, as well. Good job capturing his surprise (it often IS a mixture of terror and happiness, isn’t it? Just for a sec?) Happy BD to the little man.

    • No son yet but we do have a baby less than five-weeks away. While the store is real, the remainder of the story is fictional. I could certainly see this story playing out in a few years though.

      Thanks for the comment, I’m glad you enjoyed the story.

  • Very nice! Such a cute and heartwarming tale. I think I went to a sporting goods store similar to that in Nevada once, and I definitely got pretty excited too.

    • Caroline,
      I was curious and took a look at the Cabela’s retail listing and there is one located in Reno. I knew there were several stores but I didn’t know the number was upwards of 30.

      I’m glad you enjoyed the story. Thanks for the comment

  • Yeah, great story. You did well – the surprise worked well.

  • That’s a sweet story, Walt. I’ve never been in one of the huge sporting goods stores, but I can well imagine how gripping it would be for a kid. You did a fine job of portraying a father/son moment here.
    ~jon

    • Jon,
      The sporting goods store in the piece is actually one that I’ve visited a couple of times. While I’m not a big outdoors-man, it is easy to spend a few hours just looking at all the stuff they have, especially the stuffed animals throughout the store.

      I’m glad you enjoyed the story.
      Thanks for the comment

  • I like the ending! I got a bit worried when he got the cell phone call thinking something bad was about to happen.

    Mike

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